"Expecting the unexpected" came to me intuitively several times last week. And I understood this should be the topic for my next sharing here with you.
Don't expect this text to be clear, concise, fluent, straight forward, linear and full of takeaways and great conclusions, because it isn't and it's not supposed to be.
I embrace transformation on a regular basis...meaning, to get aligned to who I am, letting myself be guided towards what my life calling is...and letting go of everything that I learned I should be and that I'm actually not.
The transformations and updates you see in the Institute are a reflection of the transformations that are happening in my sense of self, including my vision and attunement.
Because this is what happens when you're in charge of a company and in a leadership role. Your businesses' affluence and limitations are a mere reflection of your own affluences and limitations.
And one thing that is part of any transformation process, and that is not discussed enough, is dealing with wins and losses...the grieves and the births. Getting rid of what no longer serves our higher purpose to make room for the new that needs to come.
The process is as exciting as it is challenging, needless to say. And truth be told, the painful part comes only when we resist to change or deny the reality of events.
Over the last few months, the transformation I've been going through have been massive.
I've never felt so clear on many things about myself, my life, never had so many new interesting invites coming around at the same time, new projects, new contacts.
I've been experiencing a fine tuning in the focus of my work, the company activities expanding, new people onboarding as clients and in my team, my creativity and downloads of new things increasing each day. And among all these, also arrived to me the invite into a new beautiful and divine role - the role of being a mom. It was magical; exhilarating.
At the same time, it wouldn't be truthful to say it was all rosy.
With the invite into motherhood, it also came on the invite to slow down (I wonder who on earth finds it easy to slow down in the modern times). Honour my body and resting needs more than anything, I decided it was the time to finally be delegating more, and asking for help.
It was also an invitation to be more aware and conscious of my nutrition and exercise routine, that honestly I have been neglecting until then (in spite of some seasonal efforts). Health and fitness practices have always been the number one thing I feel challenged to incorporate into my routine in a sustainable way.
And with my pregnancy I had an even bigger reason to change and I've made at least cooking more elaborate meals a priority in my new routine.
My work at the Institute had to shift into setting everything up into maternity leave preparation mode. And more than ever, things not depending on my live presence, which I already intended and have been working towards.
And if you ask me if anything changed in terms of business direction or strategy- I'll tell you, no. That's what I keep doing, in spite of the setback that happened with my pregnancy.
I was sleeping and felt a mild burning in my belly. I woke up concerned and called my doctor. Unfortunately, the ultrasound showed there was no heart beating from the baby anymore. And with that unbelievable news, I saw my world and all the vision and planning I had for the next months fading away.
And it was on that day that I made the very first enrolment into my new core program, I started the (painful in all ways) treatment to handle the miscarriage and prepare the womb for a new cycle.
I never wanted to share this story with anyone. As it is still painful, and I don't think it's possible not to feel to receive a beautiful and expected invite, and then have a recall on that invite. And I know there are so many women and couples (both can suffer) that go through it and it's a taboo subject still.
My experience through this process has been to want to go back to being "the old me", forget about everything. Getting back to being productive, not to deal with the grief, not to deal with the scars, not to tell the news to people who knew about it. Only I couldn't and still can't. I knew and I know I shouldn't numb my feelings, for my own good. So, I'm still working through things.
The best thing I've done, besides not numbing down the pain and the feelings was to tell people I didn't want any advice on how I should feel or not feel, or how to behave or not to behave. Dealing with comments like "it's ok, you can always have another pregnancy", "don't be sad, for sure it was for the best" never helps. They really triggered me and I believe it triggers anyone that goes through a miscarriage or child loss experience.
And it was not until after a few weeks ago, when I was invited to join a group of other humanitarian, successful, affluent and driven female leaders and entrepreneurs, that while introducing myself I ended up venting about this story. Because I couldn't just introduce myself talking about my life, my marriage and my company anymore, the experience changed me and was latent.
After this virtual sharing in a group of women that I barely knew, days later, one of the ladies from the group sent me a private message. It was a message sympathising, offering help and saying that my sharing helped her so much to reassess, talk about it at home and somehow heal her own child loss situation.
I was so surprised, because for me, it felt like selfishly venting and oversharing something that is very taboo, it feels like sharing a failure. This kind of conversation, in the best of the cases, leaves everybody uncomfortable and kills the mood of any fun conversation moving forward, right? But I didn't care then, and I'm happy that I didn't. Because it was raw and real.
Because of this beautiful lady messaging me, I realized that no matter how much this still feels painful and messy to me, I should share this experience.
Besides bringing up the topic, when I feel it is needed and when invited, one thing I'll keep doing for myself will be to carry on all the positive practices I've started to work towards. On the health and fitness side, on the business autonomy side, just to name a few here.
One extra commitment I'm taking, more than ever, is supporting my clients in having a business that supports their role, needs and responsibilities as parents. Their ongoing parenting dynamics or their planning dynamics, trying to conceive or while expecting a child.
Because soulful entrepreneurship and leadership is a journey with joys and challenges. Parenting is a journey with joys and challenges on its own too. I see them both equally transformational and with so much in common (one day I will speak about my vision on that).
Also because I always wanted both in my life and in the last few months, I was blessed that I could benefit from the transformational experience of having both combined.
Because one of the myths of entrepreneurship is that it is risky, you don't get to have a life, it's about living in burn out, that it's just for people in their 20's or starting in their adult life because it will demand all of yourself. Others say that entrepreneurship destroys marriages, social lives, families even.
Well, that holds true - for those who don't choose the Poised Life path, which unfortunately, is the majority of the people out there.
And it all comes back to how we live our lives and hold ourselves, our business and relationships - with Poise or going through the motions. Shaking off and choosing to see the gifts in every situation or to never stand up and live as a victim of life.
That's why I'm here sharing this extremely intimate experience. I'm not 100% back in shape yet, the reason why I'm snoozing many activities until January. In doing the bare minimum I feel like doing now and the reason you see things moving is because I have a team to support me, my soul team. Plus I have a coach and therapist to support me through this grieving and at the same time growth process.
I want you to know we all have our mess, and there are so many ways to deal with it. And my way to deal with it is with Poise. Calling out my beliefs, who I am, my sense of purpose, relying on my support system.
And just like a doctor should anticipate the normal setbacks in any needed procedure, in my programs I focus a lot on preparing, anticipating all the general messy things that happen when starting your own company, on dealing with the current company you serve, and on growing your company.
Because living with poise is about being open to receive guidance and to respond to the opportunities and to the beautiful and transformational invitations that arrive to us.
For me, the fact that many transformational events are coming together means that I am in the right direction. And I am thankful for all the gifts I have been receiving.