Yes, there are times in life in which you need to make a go-no-go, or "Y" choice, in which you really have a dilemma in front of you. But in most times, life is not the drama and the dilemma you create out of it, from small things even.
How do I know that?
Been there. Done that. On and off I slip on it. One of the things I keep watching out is if I'm giving the right importance and proportion to everything that happens in my life.
I've always been proud of myself for not being a dramatic person. Always wanted to hold things together and be composed and graceful no matter what.
But guess what...I learnt that many times, the big things - that justified anger, grieving, sadness - I had been suppressing. Because I've been considering to talk about those things or deal with it for "a long time" would be making a drama out of it.
And then small things - like when somebody I didn't even look up to, rolled their eyes at me, criticised or said something inappropriate or in a rude manner. I would keep ruminating that situation and make a big deal out it, sometimes naming it as a lowlight of the day or week when somebody asked me how my day or week has been. It is a pretty immature reaction as we speak about it, right?
It may sound blunt as we speak about it now, it's not that blunt when we're in that "triggering" situation.
Because these are examples of a pattern of behaviour, unconscious mindset and low energy attunement that one is unconsciously choosing to live from, not realizing how toxic it is for one's own happiness.
My husband used to tell me how he felt. It was tough to know if I was really happy overall, because on a daily basis I didn't seem to be.
Since I was complaining and letting myself become drained by these small situations, or in other behaviours like setting myself impossible goals on things to do within a day, being hard on myself for not achieving a self-imposed goal, letting myself become drained by other people's drama or problems when it was not my job to act on them, like letting acquaintances come closer only to ditch their problems. That was a clear lack of boundaries on my side.
Funny that what is often needed from us is a much bigger effort to realize and "fix" these kind of "bugs" we allow to have in our "operating systems", rather than to work on a consistent basis to have your mindset checked and updated by journaling, therapy, or self-awareness practices, such as an investment in a good "anti-virus software".
And why is that? It is because most of the stuff that we do that is unhealthy keeps us from achieving the true happiness we want.
When we do this kind of thing, we are letting ourselves be driven by our "poisoned human self". We are giving power to the poisoned part of us that doesn't want us to believe we are worthy to be happy.
It happens in your career; when you don't say no and keep taking everything that comes to your desk. But then you complain you are overwhelmed, drowning in work, and become mad that you are not considered for a leadership role you desire or another promotion.
It happens in your business, when you do not do what needs to be done - like making your work visible, put so much thought in to which product to launch but then months go by and you couldn't decide, neither worked for one of them to happen. Then complain to everybody that the market is saturated or that business activity is low, because the economy is in a recession. You procrastinate on taking action claiming you are working to deliver your best - but at the same time you become anxious and envious to see people in your industry launching and thriving even with less preparation and apparently less talent than you.
It happens in your relationships when you don't set boundaries. You give yourself and your energy indiscriminately to people, you start to feel drained, used or taken advantage of. Only to keep sharing later that you're such a great and indispensable person, that you help everybody - that you're "way too good of a person", the reason why you feel too busy and tired for self-care.
It happens when you change jobs, change countries, or change business industries. The same patterns over and over again.
What you don't realize is that these patterns and bitter feelings are there to show you that you're nurturing all those situations so you can avoid your own growth and happiness. The bitterness and frustration is your soul calling you out for a breakthrough.
Part of you doesn't feel it's safe to ditch these unhealthy behaviours because we love what's familiar. We create a sense of identity with our problems, even without realising it. And you are not allowing the poised human self, your shadow takes over on the feelings you are not deserving to grow or to be happy.
"So, after I found my dream business, what's next?"
"So, now that I am making x-figures a month in my business, what's next?"
"So, after I have my dream partner, what's next?"
You are so addicted to the hustle, the drama and the unknown and not being able to handle the next growth step, that you keep playing small. Your soul-self has planned a wonderful life for you that you cannot envision this if all you connect to is your poisoned self.
What is sad is that, without realising it, acting and operating from your poisoned human, over time it will most likely work to destroy everything you have achieved so far.
In my business, at some point, I thought there are already so many coaches, therapists, intuitive and healers, that I'd be just one more. Rationally, I was making an insane decision to step into any complete career shift.
Why would I let go of something that I was doing for so many years, that I had been awarded and recognized for, that was providing me with a stable and high income? Why should I start to create a reputation in a field where I'd look like a newbie, or another one to follow the market trends. I can't tell you now how many times, I've paused my actions to understand what the market was saying or most often, what non-believers in personal development where saying, in order to position myself. I thought I should have to win everybody with my value proposition, specially the non-believers. Let's face it, that not even Jesus or Buddha pleased everybody and had their gifts and mission recognized and people that took on their lead, and there I was, trying to go down that path.
By listening more to the market trends and playing the traditional or standard marketing tactics, ultimately, I felt wasn't moving the needle in the direction I wanted. I wasn't voicing myself enough as I felt fake or flaky, I would feel even more lost than in the beginning...and most importantly, I was very frustrated and bitter.
And that's how I see most of the clients and students that come to be with their desire to be happier in their careers, in their lives, have a soul-led business. And same thing for the ones that have already their own business but can't sustain their income or feel happy or confident enough with the path they're taking. They are in hustle mode and it feels there is something missing and they can't point their fingers on what.
Wouldn't it make more sense to spend energy cultivating positive practices and taking baby steps towards what makes us come alive, to what lights us up instead of focusing on everything that drains or upsets us, and external evidence of why our wants won't happen?
The more I work with people, the more I see that the root cause of unhappiness comes from not having an integral sense of identity. Which leaves room for negative conditioning and the feeling of never being enough.
Why are you so afraid of losing a job you hate so much?
Why do you care so much about the opinion of these people you don't like or even look up to?
Why are you spending energy trying to answer everybody else's questions or solving everybody else's problems other than firstly your own?
Why are you creating huge problems out of small things?
Why are you so obsessed in making millions founding a business, when in your current corporate career you're making 5-6-7 figures tops?
Why are you so concerned about failing if you say to everybody (your kids even) that brave people try and fail while the rest never have tried, and wonder how it would have been?
Why are you so fearful of not having enough time or energy to handle your current job and a new venture, if you know that every time you do something that is exciting and you feel passionate about, it lights you up and gives you more energy?
Why are you so concerned about spending, so focused on what you will pay instead of focusing on what you will win and receive from it?
Why are you so afraid to lose that client or potential client, if he/she doesn't seem to fully recognise they can benefit from your help? Or if while in the process, are always resisting the change?
Don't be like most people that (unconsciously) choose to live addicted to unhappiness, drama, self-sabotage, procrastination, telling the same story, holding on to safe problems (the things you tell yourself over and over that prevent you to go after what you love, aka excuses).
You came here in this life for beautiful things, to live a poised life, and to be happy.
Once you onboard on The Poised Journey (that I personally guide), the first step I will help you with is to remember who you are on a soul level, reassess your purpose and mission. And following that, we will work together on acquiring a poised mindset - and that will require you to be open, to rip of all the weeds that are preventing your beautiful garden to blossom with the most beautiful flowers that is out there.
I promise you, you are not losing anything, you are merely letting go of things that were never part of the real you in the first place.
Are you ready to give it a try?